Signs That Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Understand You’re into Animal Sex

10: She wonders why you keep on taking her to petting zoo during dates.

9: She wonders why you spend more time with Lassie, your dog, you do on her.

8: You spend countless hours trying to convince her that being a bitch is not necessarily a bad thing.

7: You find yourself saying, “Come on over, Beast Wars just finished.”

6: “No, No honey, I wasn’t being unfaithful. When I said I had pussies for company, I meant REAL pussies. No! I MEAN CATS! No Honey! I am NOT gay! I meant REAL cats! Animals! Honey? Come back…please?”

5: You tell her you that your dog sleeps with you in your room without mentioning that the two of you do more than just sleep.

4: After having a fight, your sent her a poem. Unfortunately, you copied it from this site.

3: She doesn’t like going into your room because she feels that all of your pets are staring at her.

2: You find yourself forever explaining to her that , ME: Animals You: Shoes

And the number one sign that your Girlfriend doesn’t understand you’re into Animal Sex……

1. You tell her that you want to do it doggy style and she says, “Why did you bring that damn dog with you?”

And here’s another one!!! Have fun!!!

I fucked a dog sucking Kate. I fucked a dog,
he fucked me, and she sucked a dog.

And here’s another one for you!!! Enjoy!!!

Sarah suck a sucked-hot sash sheep
that sucked of hot-sucked sheep
as the sunshine shone
on the side of the sucked-hot sheep shed.

Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

And here’s another one for you to twist yer tongues with! Enjoy!!

How much of you would a woodchuck fuck
if a woodchuck could fuck you?
A woodchuck would fuck, he would, as much as he could,
and fuck as much you as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could fuck you.

Signs your Boyfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: He insists on having the dog he gave you last Chirstmas be neutered at once and when asked he just mutters, “Better to be safe than sorry…”

9: He thinks that you had something to do about the way his pet eel died when you were looking after his apartment while he was away.

8: You look at his computer and notice that he bookmarked “Signs That Your Girlfriend is an Animal Lover” page from a website. You also note that he also bookmarked “Signs Your Girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover” from THIS site.

7: You have a fight with him after you and your girlfriend went to an aquarium exhibit. Later after you two made up and are having sex, he looks at you suspiciously in the eye and asks, “Honey, why does your pussy smell fishy?”

6: He won’t take you to the zoo anymore.

5: He won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell him you sleep with the dog, he hopes that’s all you do.

3: You tell him that the reason you were late was because you got detained by the police and he asks, “Which one, the Horse Patrol Unit of the K9 Unit?”

2: You spend countless hours that the girl in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin sister (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: He growls at every dog that passes by saying, “Stay away from MY bitch, you mutts!”

Bitching With Stud

My ex-girlfriend, Linda, was going out of town for a couple of weeks and needed someone to look after her large black hound, Stud. We broke up quite recently but were still good friends. And so, I told her that I’d be happy to help her out, and so I took Stud home with me.

Stud is a rather large dog, standing good two-and-a-half feet at the shoulder and weighing in at one hundred or so pounds, with a curly black coat.

Since I am usually completely naked in the house, especially in the summertime, his wet nose was always poking into my groin or at my ass.

One day, I was sitting in the lounge chair, naked as usual, reading the newspaper, when he came up between my legs and started licking my shaved cock and balls. OH SHIT!!! The sensation was so electric that my dick got hard immediately. I spread my legs apart and he licked my dick and nuts until I came. The dog slurped up all my cum, and licked me clean. What an erotic turn-on!

I decided to reward my sweet canine honey, and become his bitch. I got down on my back on the floor with him straddling me, and started rubbing his sheath until his red dick poked its head out. I pumped his rod until it grew to about seven inches and kept on until he stiffened and shot his huge load of cum all over my face, chest, and belly. He then proceeded to lick himself and me clean. I didn’t want him to get totally soft, as I wanted more, so I propped myself up underneath him with cushions, and took his shaft into my mouth.

I started licking and sucking that doggie dick with sexual abandon, moving my lips up and down its entire length. Stud responded by starting to hump my mouth. I was being face-fucked by a dog. The knot at the base of his cock grew to the size of my fist as he thrust his big dick down my throat, the knot smashing against my lips.

All the while, dog juices were spurting down my gullet, until he finally unloaded his full load of sperm down my throat. No human ever pumped that much into me, but I managed to swallow it all. My dick was so hard and throbbing that it hurt.

My dog lover was still ready for more, so I got on my hands and knees and let him prod and lick my hairless ass. The thrill almost sent me through the roof. He then tried to mount me, and the feeling of his fur against my bare ass was totally erotic. I reached back between my legs, grabbed his ramrod, and guided it up to my ass.

Stud thrust and the tip of his seven-inch cock forced open my sphincter ring and entered my rectum. He humped a few more times and his entire thing was inside me. The initial pain of penetration turned into heavenly bliss as he pumped and pumped, his knot pounding against my ass. I was so aroused that with my right hand I was pounding my own meat, while being violated by the dog. All at once, he made several long, hard thrusts and then emptied the contents of his balls into my bowels.

I had an orgasm almost immediately and spewed my cum all over my thighs and the carpet. When Stud was finally able to withdraw his cock, doggie juices ran out of my ass and down my thighs. He again licked up the mess and lay down on his back, his legs in the air. I went over to him and gave him another good blowjob, swallowing yet another super load of dog cum. We had fun like this at least once a day for the remainder of the two weeks of bestiality. For a guy, I was a damn good bitch for him!!!

Stud bugs the shit out of me, now, whenever I visit Linda. That fucking mutt pokes his nose in my crotch or in my ass every chance he gets. Linda thinks that it’s a riot. I wonder what she’d say if she knew that I fucked her dog just like I used to fuck her so many years ago. One of these days I’ll have to walk the dog alone and let him hump me in the forest preserve.

The End? I think not.