Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

And here’s another one for you to twist yer tongues with! Enjoy!!

How much of you would a woodchuck fuck
if a woodchuck could fuck you?
A woodchuck would fuck, he would, as much as he could,
and fuck as much you as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could fuck you.

Signs your Boyfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: He insists on having the dog he gave you last Chirstmas be neutered at once and when asked he just mutters, “Better to be safe than sorry…”

9: He thinks that you had something to do about the way his pet eel died when you were looking after his apartment while he was away.

8: You look at his computer and notice that he bookmarked “Signs That Your Girlfriend is an Animal Lover” page from a website. You also note that he also bookmarked “Signs Your Girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover” from THIS site.

7: You have a fight with him after you and your girlfriend went to an aquarium exhibit. Later after you two made up and are having sex, he looks at you suspiciously in the eye and asks, “Honey, why does your pussy smell fishy?”

6: He won’t take you to the zoo anymore.

5: He won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell him you sleep with the dog, he hopes that’s all you do.

3: You tell him that the reason you were late was because you got detained by the police and he asks, “Which one, the Horse Patrol Unit of the K9 Unit?”

2: You spend countless hours that the girl in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin sister (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: He growls at every dog that passes by saying, “Stay away from MY bitch, you mutts!”

A HORSE JOKE

A hot blonde lady problematic of her sex life went to a bar one time. Luckily, her long lost BESTIALLE friend and her big strong horse Buddy was there to help.

She was taken by her friend into her farm and ask her to undress and lay down her pussy facing Buddy’s face. Then she yelled, “Lick, Gorgie, Lick!”

Buddy didn’t move. Then her friend hollered, “Lick, Jordan, Lick!” Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more she commanded, “Lick, Molo, Lick!” Nothing.

Then the she nonchalantly said, “Lick, Buddy, Lick!” And the horse easily lick with much saliva, the blonde’s pussy until kingdom come.

The blonde was most appreciative and very curious. She asked her friend why she called her horse by the wrong name three times.

Her friend said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one licking, he wouldn’t even try!”

Hehehe!!!

this is the fourth one! Have fun!!!!

I cannot bear to see a man of Nowhere
Banging down upon a mare.
When bare of wear he fucks the mare,
Right there I cry, “Forbear!”

And here’s part three! Enjoy!!!

Mr. Don owned a monkey.
And Mr. Key owned a unicorn.
Now Don’s monkey owned Key’s unicorn
Before Don own Key,
Which made Key’s down sore.
Had Don suck Key’s unicorn
Before Key sucked Don’s monkey,
Don’s monkey would not have sucked
Key’s unicorn.
So Don’s ‘key sucked Key’s ‘orn.
But it was sad to see Key so sore
Just because Don’s ‘key sucked
Key’s ‘orn!

Here’s another one! Enjoy!!!!

A bitter bitching bitch
Bitched a biting broken stud,
And the bitched broken stud
Bitched the bitcher bitch back.
And the bitter bitch, bitched,
By the broken bitched stud,
Said: “I’m a bitter bitched bitch, alack!”